This
week has been an emotionally charged week for many. This Monday
afternoon, upon returning from a trip to Virginia, I stopped to get
something to eat. I checked my Facebook, and there were all kind of
reports about Robin Williams dying. At first, I thought it likely was
some kind of Facebook hoax – which happens from time to time. But,
as time went on, I found out that the news was all too true. And, as
the facts came in, it appeared that Mr. Williams took his own life.
Since
then, there have been posts galore about Williams’ career, and just
what he meant to people. But, along the way, there have been several
other discussions. Some have been honest discussions about suicide
and depression, while others have uttered phrases such as “selfish”
and “I hope his heart was right.” There has even been one
national personality who has linked Williams’ death with his
political leanings. Wow. You can’t make this stuff up.
I
have to say that my feelings on such a topic as depression has
changed greatly over the years. I used to think people used such a
term – or a panic attack as a cop out when they didn’t want to
deal. Time – and life – has since proved me wrong. Back in 2009,
my life – which had always been pretty much constant – began to
totally unravel. The job that had always defined me disappeared one
day – and so did my identity. And, that – along with other
factors – led to other things going south. I tried to handle things
the only way I knew, and sought counseling from different people. I
thought I had a handle on it. 2010 would prove otherwise.
There
was an afternoon about four years ago where I decided I had had
enough. I am not going into the circumstances of what led me down
that path – but there was an event that shook me to my very core,
making me scared of what was around the corner. Have you ever had
that sinking feeling that you knew you couldn’t change things?
That’s how I felt.
So,
that night, I took a few pills. Now, let me say, I wonder just how
serious I was about it at the time, because I never learned how to
drink – or anything about dosage. But, let’s just say that I took
more than average. I was done. I went to sleep that night, hoping
that there would be no more.
And,
then the next morning, I woke up. Needless to say, I was surprised. I
would love to tell you that my darkness was over, but it wasn’t. I
didn’t escape the events that I was so fearful of. They happened –
and if it weren’t for God – and a doctor in Statesboro, GA named
John Adams – I don’t know if I would be here to look back at how
much my life has changed since then – for the better, and continues
to change.
But,
I am one of the lucky ones. For many, there is no “next day.”
But, to call someone who has reached the depth of despair selfish –
and dismiss their act as a form of attention getting – is totally
wrong. There are a lot of people whose shoes I have never walked in –
who have never walked in mine. Back in 1998, I might have totally
wrote something else, but depression is real – and it’s not
something you choose. It grabs hold of you, and paralyzes you. In a
sense, it’s like alcoholism. Once you are, you might cope with it,
but you always are. You don’t just simply “Get Over It.”
Whether it be a divorce, a death, losing a job, or financial disaster
– it’s not something you can just put away. But, you can cope
with it.
I
wasn’t planning on posting this. I know that some will likely have
a different opinion of me than they had before. That’s ok. There
have been so many comments this week about that have totally
infuriated me – and made me sad. But not sad because those are
people’s opinions. I would love to have never made a mistake in
life, never bounced a check, been married to my sweetheart for 20
plus years with my 3.2 children and 2.3 cars in the drive – and
never known those depths. Trust me, I would. Sad because someone who
gave so much to so many – and while I was a fan of many of
Williams’ movies, I can’t say that I followed his career as
intently as a Burt Reynolds or a Larry Hagman – but I ask....Has
anyone heard one negative story about Williams this week? Whether it
be his support of St. Jude, Rescue Animals, or his family, the man definitely seemed to have a heart as big as Texas. For him not to get
that is the saddest tragedy of all. But, I get it. And, if you
don’t.....please do me a favor. Shut up, because you probably never
will. And, for what it’s worth, I hope you never do.
