Well....Six Days Till'
40.
This
week has been one of those soul-searching weeks. Next Monday will be
the big 4-0. What is known as mid-life. It’s funny. Even though
time stands still for nobody, we still think of ourselves as young
and vibrant – even in the face of aches and pains we didn’t have
at 20 years old.
But,
time does go by. I told myself that I wasn’t going to let it get to
me too much. And, I have done pretty good with that line of thinking.
Being 40 doesn’t represent the beginning of the end for me. That
being said, it does make you think.
I
write a lot about some of the struggles I go through sometimes. Some
of those are financial, some are emotional, and some – well, they
are a little bit of my own doing. But, over the past few weeks, I
have been reminded that they are nothing compared what several in the
community I am living in are going through. And, as I have gotten
older, faith has kicked in a bit. God leads you and provides when you
don’t see it coming – if you believe. He is good. I believe in
him, so it’s going to be ok.
This
week was a great example of life in my world. Monday was an
incredible day. I had a chance to visit with Paul Martin, who plays
in the Fabulous Superlatives band of Marty Stuart. It was a great
interview, and was a reminder of why I love what I do. I will never
say I am the best writer, radio person, or anything else I do, but
nobody appreciates it any more than me. I was literally on cloud nine
when I left. Then, I met a couple friends of mine for a few minutes
in Hendersonville before I started home. I am not naming names, other
than to say that if you would have told me I would have an afternoon
like that ten or fifteen years ago, I would have laughed. Whether it
be a recording artist, or an 80 year old farmer in Burns with a big
nose and overalls that goes by the name of “Haystack,” I am
blessed to have the relationships I do. But, I was on a high. And,
then....I looked at the phone. There was nobody to tell about it. I
mean, sure, I could have called quite a few friends. But, that
special someone who knows what the day meant...isn’t there. That’s
not to say that she won’t ever be. Again, it’s faith. LOL...I
have a little bit more faith that my money needs will be met than
finding love again, but I haven’t given up – totally. I hope that
I am in a phase right now of totally realizing that you can be whole
without someone. I’m closer than I was a year ago, which is a good
sign.
That’s
not to say that there haven’t been chances the past few years. It’s
just that I don’t want to date just to date for show, or to prove
to myself I can date someone. To quote the title of one of Jo Dee
Messina’s biggest hits, I want to “Burn,” and I’ve only felt
that way three times. The first time, I didn’t know what it was and
it spooked me. The second time, well...just wasn’t meant to be, and
the third time, I was a little scared, and there were a few obstacles
– like about ten hours. But, it felt great to feel that spark again
– even if it never caught a total fire. It taught me that it is
possible.
But,
I am not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I have a lot of
friends – male and female – who aren’t with their Romeo or
Juliet – and I don’t think any less of them, so I’m ok. More
than anything else, I just wanted someone to know that this week has
been a great one. From a 25 minute interview that turned into a three
hour conversation to an interview today with one of rock music’s
legends to discovering a new talent for the very first time, it’s
all a reminder of why I love what I am so blessed to do. Granted, I
may have my days of moodiness about life – Valentines’ Day is
coming up, after all...but life at 40 isn’t bad at all. And, since
I really didn’t start living until I was in my late 20s, who knows
what’s around the corner?
Just
a few deep thoughts from a shallow (at times!) mind. Good night from
here!
