It’s been a couple of
weeks since my last blog. Two very eventful weeks, to be exact. One
of the biggest things that happened to me was attending my 20th
class reunion. Now, if you look at my pics on Facebook, or read any
of the articles that I write, you might not comprehend this – but I
was more nervous over attending the reunion than anything I have done
career-wise lately. You go through so many life changes in twenty
years. Marriage. Children. Job changes, and in some cases, that ugly
“D” word, and you wonder what people will think of you. It’s
interesting how you never totally change from that person you were in
high school. But, I will say, it was an incredible night.
One thing I learned is
you never know who is aware of you – even though you might not
think so. That was a lesson I learned. But, it was just really great
seeing people that, in some cases, I hadn’t seen since May 22,
1992. And, though gravity, father time, and receding hairlines had
caught up with some of us, most looked the same. A few even better –
not naming names, don’t want to get in trouble with the husbands –
LOL...but it was really a fun night and I’m glad I went. Hopefully,
we’ll do it again in five more years!
Some really neat
opportunities have come my way as of late. I will be able to tell you
about one of those next week, but it does have to do with that city
with one of the Mannings as QB. I’m excited about that. This week,
I am headed to Jonesboro, AR to cover the Johnny Cash Music Festival
at Arkansas State. I am really looking forward to this, as I hope to
interview Rosanne Cash – who I think made some of the best music
out of Nashville during the 1980s – and the punk look was an added
bonus, too!
At the reunion, I ran
into an old friend of mine named Michael Evans. He’s as classy now
as he was back then. We talked about this blog some, and he said he
enjoyed reading some of the stuff I write about. I appreciated him
saying that because I always wonder if I write too much. We all have
problems and crosses to bear, and mine aren’t as bad as a lot of
people’s. But, the last few years have left scars. Relationships
that you thought would be there forever aren’t. You can read behind
the lines, as I’m not going to go into details, but lately I have
done a lot of looking around – and not liking what I see.
I never thought that I
would be where I am today. You can take that in so many directions. I
never thought that my career would take me to the places it has –
particularity in the past year, but I also didn’t think I would be
writing this as a divorced man either. But, I don’t think anyone
has that in mind when they are saying their vows. The saying “one
of those things” or “it is what it is” tends to trivialize
things a little too much, but sometimes you just have to swallow it
and move on. You can’t change the past. If I could – on my part,
I would, but that’s water under the Duck River bridge now.
The thing I have
learned about myself post-divorce is that it’s ok to be still.
Don’t get me wrong. Having had someone in your life, it’s not
easy to go back to being alone, but I don’t want just someone....I
want “The One.” But, that’s not there right now. Unlike twenty
or ten years ago, I can breathe. I can exist without a girlfriend /
wife. I didn’t think I could before.
I have also learned –
no, wait...am learning to trust in God a little more....about
everything. Growing up in Church where my family went, you tend to go
with the flow a little bit more than you might otherwise. One of the
positive aspects of my year in Georgia was that after being down
there for about nine months, I began to realize that my spiritual
walk was about me – not the fact that I was Charles and Paulette
Dauphin’s son, and this is where I’ve gone – and so I
go....(and that is not a knock on my Church in Burns, which will
always be my home. You just take things a lot more for granted in the
Church you grew up in sometimes!) I can’t say that I am where I
need to be, but I am in a better spot than I was. But, through the
counseling of a lot of people, I think my faith is stronger than it’s
been – but it’s got a ways to go. I fight fear just about every
day. Fear about money, love, you name it. One thing about fear is it
doesn’t come from God. So, I need to work on that. After all, since
I moved back to Tennessee last fall, he has kept me afloat. My mother
told me one time when I was between jobs that being tested was a good
thing. Well, I could live without it....but she was right.
I guess I am writing
this as a testament to my faith and what it means to me. I am not
where I planned to be, nor am I where I want to be, but I hope and
pray it gets better. (I realize there may be a couple reading this
who will say I made my own bed....thanks for the judging.) I want my
life to improve, and I want someone in it, and I want to do it
right...but that’s one day at a time.
I write all this to
simply say I am scared right now. I just hope and pray that God
allows me a chance to start over. I can't do it alone. I don’t think he would bring me
this far not to allow me to finish it. I guess it comes down to keep
on keepin on....Prayers for all of us!
