Sometimes, I write too much.
I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those times.
So, if you ever think I go a little too deep…..simply click out of this blog
right now. You’ll be the better for it, and I’ll never know.
Ok, if you’re not gone, I wanted to write about a couple of
things that have been on my mind. As you might have gathered by my Facebook
posts this week, health is one of them. This week, there has been a little bit
of a setback. It’s actually nothing life-threatening, but just something that I
need to take care of. But, that’s all the details I am going to say for now.
It’s the latest in a sequence of events that have happened to
me because of something I’ve battled for years – depression. I would love to
tell you that it was an ex who I have to blame for those feelings, or those
pair of brothers in high school (who themselves looked like someone had run
over their face) who picked on me who I could blame for these thoughts. But, I
won’t.
It’s my own damn fault.
Pure and simple, there’s nobody else to blame. I spent my 20s
and most of my 30s thinking that I was not as good as this person or that
person – that unless I was in a relationship, I was somewhat a little bit
second class. While being “single” isn’t my preference, I know that’s not the
truth.
I didn’t know that then.
I spent my 20s and 30s letting those feelings get to me,
leaving me to feel that I wasn’t as good as this person or that person. When
you don’t feel good about yourself, you don’t take care of yourself.
Therein lies the problem.
The abuse that I put myself through led to some health
problems that have really bitten me on the butt the past few years. Now, with
that said….most of the things that have plagued me are in pretty good shape
right now. But, there are a couple of things that I need to work on. Lord have
mercy, I wish I had my 30s back.
I had no idea how life was going to turn out. Most of the
dreams I had when I was a teenager would wind up coming true. This April, I
will celebrate twenty-five years in the business – whether as a radio
programmer or a writer. I have been blessed to make friendships and
acquaintances with people I never would have dreamed of. I have gotten to go to
so many places in the United States – and even had the opportunity to go
overseas…..Man, I need a passport.
And, I’m not done yet. My career is one of a handful of
things that I feel I have done right with my life, and I have committed to
myself that in 2016, I am going to try to grow that aspect of my life like
never before. I hope to write as much for as many as I can. I want to put
myself in front of as many people as I can in the next twelve months – even if
it means coming out of my comfort zone a bit. I will be the first to admit I am
not the “Intelligent Genius” that a lot of my contemporaries are in the writing
world, nor am I wild and crazy with my approach. I’m about as “hip” as Eddie
Stubbs. But, then again, Eddie Stubbs is pretty dang hip, don’t you think? I'm good at what I do, and I finally do believe in myself.
I wish I had known in 1996 or 2006 where life had taken me –
or that I’d still be alive in 2016. As the old saying goes, I’d take better
care of myself….worry less about other peoples’ opinions, and even my own
opinion. But, I didn’t. However, I’m still in the game – and to be honest, from
a career standpoint, I feel like I’m Joe Montana with 1:51 on the clock with
Taylor and Rice on the ends at the 20. I’m going to make this work – and make
2016 the best year I have ever had……and we’ll see what happens.
One thing I know that I didn’t quite grasp then is that God
is on my side. I can tell you that each time over the past couple of years
where I thought I might have to do something else…..he has provided in ways
that are simply amazing. I give him praise for the success….and the tough
times. Looking back, they only have made me hungry to prove to any critics I
have that I can do this……and I can, and will.
So, here’s to 2016. Hopefully, I will conquer the last couple
of steps on the health front, continue to grow as a writer and journalist – as well
as a person, and well, if God saw it to send that special person my way, well…..I
wouldn’t fight it.
So, it’s 1st and 10 from the 22. Let’s play ball!
I think I can. I think I can...I think I can!
