2,922 Days Later, I Still Wonder.......

It is a melancholy day.

Now, wait a minute. I see what’s going on in your mind. ‘He’s going back to puddleglum again.’

And, you would be wrong. Well, sort of.

As I sit here in one of my favorite “hotspots,” AKA Denny’s – somewhere in Kentucky as I am headed from one story to another, there’s a lot on the mind today. Heck, I’m even drinking coffee. (I used to think you had to be old to drink coffee. 39 isn’t quite as old as it used to be!)

Actually, today is the type of day I absolutely love. It’s on the cold side, and very overcast – with the clouds resembling a huge snow drift somewhere. Christmas is just around the corner, as evidenced by the small stack of holiday CD’s I need to listen to for review – though until Kenny and Dolly’s “I Believe In Santa Claus” first plays, it’s still not the holly and jolly time of year.

Today marks eight years since my mother passed away. In that time, there have been so many changes. Though you never “get over” it, you do put a loss – even of that magnitude in its’ proper place. But, what I am asking myself today is what would she think about some of the changes in my life – where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going. (If I had the answer to the last one, I would be happy!)

I have written at length about the changes in my life. And, to be honest, even most of the bad ones I wouldn’t change. I have learned some lessons that hopefully I can do some things different on down the line. I just got off the phone with a young man who is a lot taller than I am who calls me “Dad.” (And, I’m proud and glad he does, though he loves to shine bright blue light savers in the back of the car at night while in Burns a little too much – making me think the cops are behind me!) That’s a pretty good thing. Again, not all the changes in my life have been bad!

At this point four years ago, I thought my career was just about over. Now, here I am doing what I have dreamed of all of my life, and feeling blessed every moment I am doing it. It’s ironic how things happen when you least expect them to.

But, there have been some bumps along the road that I haven’t handled well. Health is one, but I am trying to take better care of myself from a blood sugar standpoint. There are some other battles right now, but I am getting through them – one day at a time. That’s the only way I have learned how to do it. Not going to say that I handled things smartly, but I am where I am. (That’s my way of saying “It Is What It Is” - which I still don’t exactly know what that means!)

There are other parts of my life that I could do better with. Finances being one of them. Again, one day at a time, I guess. Between Obamacare and that car that I am probably going to have to get in 2014, I am a little scared to death right now of how I am going to make it. That being said, since September 5, 2011 – and I made an nine-hour, overnight drive to Tennessee that brought me “home,” God has taken care of what I need. Though, sometimes, I have this fantasy of being ‘The Gambler’ coming up with the winning card at the last minute that solves all the ills in the world, I think – while that happens – it’s all about survival – one day at a time, and through Him, I have been able to do that. (Some men compare themselves to The Godfather. I compare myself to Kenny Rogers and JR Ewing, I guess!)

The personal side still gets me down. But, I will take blame for some of that. There are two sides to every story, with truth somewhere in between. But, that’s not what that statement is about. I learned some things that will hopefully make me a better partner for the next woman – when that comes along. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, but being alone in the Fall is not a good feeling. I am going to have to actually develop courage, though. I have interviewed just about every artist in the business, became friends with some of Nashville’s most legendary figures – but asking someone out? Talk about being scared! A publicist can say no. Sometimes, that is their job. Five minutes later, you’re over it. But getting rejected on a date? LOL....That stays with me longer than getting turned down for advertising. (There is a reason I am not full-time in radio anymore!)......

I haven’t done the right thing each and every time in my life. But, I have tried to more often than not. One day at a time, I have tried to be the best I can be – to all I can be. I know sometimes, despite the best intentions, that’s not good enough. I know of at least one person who I hurt pretty badly over the past few years. (I’m sure there are more, but I know of one) But, all you can do is try, and if you’re not given a chance to make it right – you just have to move on. But, overall, I’m in a pretty good place. I love what I do, who I do it for and with, and have a great family unit around me (Friends included in that mix, including a few little furry friends who don’t recognize the importance of sleep at night when they want their cat food!).....God is good!

Still, a “Mama’s Boy” wonders.....What would Mama think? Overall, I hope she would be proud of things, but maybe the proudest of knowing where I’m going. I hope!

Well, I guess I better cross the state line. This self-examination might be appealing to me, but my waitress is another story. On the road again!

A Couple Of Angels!

I spend a lot of time on this blog writing about either my career or the ups and downs of being single. This week, I wanted to shine the spotlight on a group of special people that deserve a huge pat on their shoulders for making this past Sunday night a memorable one.

Not too long ago, two women by the name of Emily Strope and Michelle James started an organization in Jackson, TN called Downtown Dogs Group. It is an animal rescue organization. They have devoted countless hours in saving and enriching the lives of our canine companions, helping many of them to find homes. Anyone who works with pets has my ultimate respect. I don’t consider animals to be less than humans – by any stretch of the imagination. All of the pets that I have had over the years have been not “just like family,” but have been family. I could tell you many occasions when an animal has gotten me through a tough period or moment in my life. I can also tell you the times they have made me laugh. In the past two years of my life, there have been several lonely moments – all made better by the personalities of several furry friends of mine.

But, back to Emily and Michelle. Not only have they given of their time and energy, but also their own finances to keep the Downtown Dogs Group running. A few months ago, some of their friends decided to give them a helping hand by planning an event called Bone Appetit! A celebration of all things southern, the event featured many talented musicians, as well as food from some of the greatest chefs in the mid-South, including the Peabody Hotel’s Andreas Kisler. The music was first-rate – and the food? Wow. Personally, I can’t say that I have ever been more impressed with a food spread since the first time I had lunch at Oma Pickard’s house in Centerville! Fried Chicken. Catfish, and some of the most unbelievable brisket that I have ever had. I went down to Jackson to cover the event, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was southern hospitality at its’ finest!

Emily and Michelle would be the first to tell you this was a group effort, and many people came together for this great cause. But, to Emily and Michelle, I say thank you. I have a habit of getting very attached to animals. For years, at Christmas, I would take toys and treats to the local Humane Society. I would watch these dogs play with them, and cry all the way home. And, though my home life isn’t as neat as it would be if I didn’t have my cats....it wouldn’t be with living if I didn’t at the same time. Even those 3am wake up calls where I get lightly scratched in the nose to get up and feed them....they are still my babies.

I can only imagine how emotional their jobs are. I can also tell you that both of them are more man than I am, because there are moments I know I couldn’t handle. You gals are a couple of angels on this earth. Thanks to Madison County for coming together and helping you out. It was a great night for a great cause. But, then again, who can resist the charms of our furry angels.....or for that matter, a call from Libby Murphy? God bless you both, and all who contributed to this event...

www.DowntownDogsGroup.com

Gloria Estefan. Really?

(Sitting at Subway on a Friday night in Centerville wondering why we park on driveways....and drive on parkways!)

Tonight is one of those rare nights for me. There’s nothing pressing that needs to be done – right at this moment. Though it’s a Friday night, I covered my football game last night, and though I could get my articles done for the week after next...lol...that’s what the weekend is for. Friday night in Tennessee during the fall – a pretty nice place to be.

As I write this, this is one of those nights that I have no idea what my fingers will type. I drove to Nashville earlier to pick up some mail. You ever have one of those times when every song you hear just hits you? Tonight, it did. It’s about an hour and ten minute drive from Nashville to Centerville, and between the new CD’s that were sent to me and the tunes on Sirius – I heard some great ones. Biz Markie (You might be surprised to know I know who that is!), Carly Simon, Pink, and even a new song called “Popular,” that even though I will be 40 years old in a few months....I actually liked. Then, Sirius Love Songs played “Here We Are” by Gloria Estefan. Seriously?

OK, let me explain. That song has no personal significance to me as far as a moment in time with someone else. But, a Gloria Estefan love song – on a cool fall night – hits me much the same way a Karen Carpenter classic from the 70s does. Gorgeous...Stunning....but also Really? LOL.

As someone who is single, I can lure myself into not thinking about my romantic state for awhile. But, sometimes you hear a song, and it hits you. It’s not all bad, though. I guess it gives you something to dream about.

I have wrtitten before about the fact that for years I judged myself on if I was seeing anyone. Thankfully, I don’t do that anymore. But, I gotta admit life is a little more excitement filled when there is that someone special in it.

The difference between now and then is I am beginning to understand you have to be happy with yourself in order to truly make someone happy....Wait a minute, did I say that? Wish I had known that in 1996! And, you can’t force it. I mean, you can dress decently, shave when you need to, and stuff, but typically, the woman of your dreams isn’t going to be waiting in the Buck Owens section at Ernest Tubb Record Shop....But, oh, if she were!.....I have shown a willing nature at not doing relationships the right way for whatever reason in my life.....so next time, I am going to let it happen naturally. I don’t like being alone. But, I can handle it. That’s different.

I do believe that she is out there. Who knows, I might even know her? No, that’s not a veiled attempt to say something without saying something....or then again, maybe it is. Only my brain knows for sure. But, sometimes you’ve gotta wait.

Still, a Gloria Estefan song on a fall night with a breeze in the air – not a good thing for the single person. On second thought, maybe I do need to go write an article for three weeks from today.....Good night from Subway!