A Beacon Whose Light Brightly Shines

Back in the 1970s, Donna Fargo enjoyed a huge hit with a song called “You Can’t Be A Beacon (If Your Light Don’t Shine).” The lyrics of the song talk about the example that one sets in their lifetime. This morning at Church, I thought about those words as the preacher – in his weekly pew notes – talked about things that as Christians, we don’t want to be. So, I started thinking about the right example that we need to sit, and there are several that have done so for me....but I wanted to shine the spotlight on someone this week that deserves to be there. Her name is Dean Gray.

I couldn’t tell you how long I’ve known her. I guess, since I started going to Church in 1982, it would be sometime around then, but more importantly, I can’t think of a time that I didn’t know her. She and her husband Ben had gone to Church at Burns for years even then, and three decades later – though she has been sick as of late – she can still usually be seen in one of the pews there.

One way you could describe her is a “brass tack.” She will tell you what she thinks in a New York minute. More often than not, you’d do well to listen to her words. She’s lived a lot of life in her years. From raising children to watching her husband get sick and sicker over the years, and she’s had her own health issues as well. But, in all my years of knowing this wonderful lady – I have never heard her once complain about anything she has gone or is going through.

On one of my recent conversations with her, we were discussing a situation that both of us have encountered in our personal lives that was very similar. I – the novice in life – was having a lot more of a problem with my reaction to it than she. She looked at me and said ‘Chuck, sometimes you’ve just got to let it go. People make their choices. You can either let it get to you or move on to another place.’ Looking back, I see she was right. I’m still trying, but further along that road than I used to be.

While there may be times where she gets down – whether from missing Ben or this family member or friend – she’s one of the most determined people I know. You might keep her down for a day or so – but she is going to get around it – and she does. I asked her one day about that fire, and she told me if she didn’t try to keep on keepin’ on, life would pretty much come to an end. And, just last week, I was reminded about how strong that spirit is. She had been in the hospital for a few days, and due to my own recent sickness – I hadn’t been by. I called her on my way to work last week, and once again, I was trying to call to cheer her up – and like always, I got the better of the call. ‘Chuck, you made my day. I love you,’ she said. I was not too happy with how the latest battle with my blood sugar was going, and in those moments, I forgot it all.

You can’t be a beacon if your light don’t shine. Those lyrics have never been more true in describing Dean Gray. I know of few who shine any brighter. I love you bunches. Get well. The back pew doesn't look the same without you!

A Second Chance

Two Days.

The mind can be a very dangerous or lethal thing. I found this out first hand, and it scared me to death – sort of.

As you know, I recently spent a week in the hospital – largely due to my mismanagement of diabetes – which I have been battling since 2005. There have been times since then that I have done ok with it....and times that I haven’t. The latter times have been partly due to insurance – or the lack thereof. I am not justifying anything other than to say that if you don’t have insurance, it’s easy to say ‘Screw it.’ Doctors – and nurses – work hard for their education, and deserve to be rewarded what they do. But, the health care system is flawed. When you are scared to go to the doctor for financial issues, there’s a problem – whether that’s me or anyone else.

But, as I was being admitted to the hospital for an infection in my toe, the doctor in the ER said ‘If you would have waited a couple more days, you wouldn’t be here.” I was also severely dehydrated the last couple of days before I went in. The words resonated in my head a little, but (since this is an honest blog, I am going to ‘Keep it real.’) My first thought was “Really?”

Understand that I was not trying to push the fast forward button into eternity. I wasn’t. But, there is a subconscious side to each of us – whether we want to admit it or not, and mine caught up with me. As I have written over the past couple of years, there have been several mistakes I have made. And, nobody kicks themselves any harder over them than I do. I wish that I just could look at a situation, cuss at it, and walk away....but I don’t. I hold it in. We all make financial mistakes, and I’m probably not done with that any time soon. I am not the first person to ever be divorced. It feels like it sometimes, but I’m not bad because of it. But, all the years of depression over it just kept me going further and further down a road that I didn’t know I was going down. The idea of walking away from such a rubble was a lot more tempting than I ever thought – I guess.

Over the next few weeks, I am going to have to learn some new things. Balancing insulin and diet – and not getting madder than a hornet if the numbers don’t reflect what I have honestly tried to do. If you are a diabetic, you know what I mean. You eat something low in carbs, you walk a mile, and you check your sugar – thinking ‘This is going to be great....’ and the numbers don’t make sense, and I would go off and stew about it. That has happened to me quite a bit over the years, but I’ve got to handle that better.

Walking – even though, everything should return to normal within time - There’s a toe that will not be there – but I am dang lucky that’s it. It could have been – and should have been much worse.

But, the biggest reprogramming for myself has to be....me. Letting the past go, and admitting where you were wrong...and when you might have been a victim of circumstances. That – more than adjusting to a carb count, leaving the Chinese buffet alone (except occasionally), and taking “care” of myself is going to be the big thing.

But, it’s not optional. I’ve got to do it. I have been blown away by the amount of cards, calls, emails, FB Messages, and tokens of generosity. My family and friends have made it clear that they want me around. So, I can’t walk away from that. More importantly, I don’t want to. So, it’s up to me. That’s a big statement, isn’t it? But, it’s the truth – and it’ time for me to work at it. It’s not going to be easy – and advice – if you have it – is welcomed – but it’s time for a “New” Chuck Dauphin. I guess, technically, past due......