It
is a melancholy day.
Now,
wait a minute. I see what’s going on in your mind. ‘He’s going
back to puddleglum again.’
And,
you would be wrong. Well, sort of.
As
I sit here in one of my favorite “hotspots,” AKA Denny’s –
somewhere in Kentucky as I am headed from one story to another,
there’s a lot on the mind today. Heck, I’m even drinking coffee.
(I used to think you had to be old to drink coffee. 39 isn’t quite
as old as it used to be!)
Actually,
today is the type of day I absolutely love. It’s on the cold side,
and very overcast – with the clouds resembling a huge snow drift
somewhere. Christmas is just around the corner, as evidenced by the
small stack of holiday CD’s I need to listen to for review –
though until Kenny and Dolly’s “I Believe In Santa Claus” first
plays, it’s still not the holly and jolly time of year.
Today
marks eight years since my mother passed away. In that time, there
have been so many changes. Though you never “get over” it, you do
put a loss – even of that magnitude in its’ proper place. But,
what I am asking myself today is what would she think about some of
the changes in my life – where I’ve been, where I am, and where
I’m going. (If I had the answer to the last one, I would be happy!)
I
have written at length about the changes in my life. And, to be
honest, even most of the bad ones I wouldn’t change. I have learned
some lessons that hopefully I can do some things different on down
the line. I just got off the phone with a young man who is a lot
taller than I am who calls me “Dad.” (And, I’m proud and glad
he does, though he loves to shine bright blue light savers in the
back of the car at night while in Burns a little too much – making
me think the cops are behind me!) That’s a pretty good thing.
Again, not all the changes in my life have been bad!
At
this point four years ago, I thought my career was just about over.
Now, here I am doing what I have dreamed of all of my life, and
feeling blessed every moment I am doing it. It’s ironic how things
happen when you least expect them to.
But,
there have been some bumps along the road that I haven’t handled
well. Health is one, but I am trying to take better care of myself
from a blood sugar standpoint. There are some other battles right
now, but I am getting through them – one day at a time. That’s
the only way I have learned how to do it. Not going to say that I
handled things smartly, but I am where I am. (That’s my way of
saying “It Is What It Is” - which I still don’t exactly know
what that means!)
There
are other parts of my life that I could do better with. Finances
being one of them. Again, one day at a time, I guess. Between
Obamacare and that car that I am probably going to have to get in
2014, I am a little scared to death right now of how I am going to
make it. That being said, since September 5, 2011 – and I made an
nine-hour, overnight drive to Tennessee that brought me “home,”
God has taken care of what I need. Though, sometimes, I have this
fantasy of being ‘The Gambler’ coming up with the winning card at
the last minute that solves all the ills in the world, I think –
while that happens – it’s all about survival – one day at a
time, and through Him, I have been able to do that. (Some men compare
themselves to The Godfather. I compare myself to Kenny Rogers and JR
Ewing, I guess!)
The
personal side still gets me down. But, I will take blame for some of
that. There are two sides to every story, with truth somewhere in
between. But, that’s not what that statement is about. I learned
some things that will hopefully make me a better partner for the next
woman – when that comes along. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow,
but being alone in the Fall is not a good feeling. I am going to have
to actually develop courage, though. I have interviewed just about
every artist in the business, became friends with some of Nashville’s
most legendary figures – but asking someone out? Talk about being
scared! A publicist can say no. Sometimes, that is their job. Five
minutes later, you’re over it. But getting rejected on a date?
LOL....That stays with me longer than getting turned down for
advertising. (There is a reason I am not full-time in radio
anymore!)......
I
haven’t done the right thing each and every time in my life. But, I
have tried to more often than not. One day at a time, I have tried to
be the best I can be – to all I can be. I know sometimes, despite
the best intentions, that’s not good enough. I know of at least one
person who I hurt pretty badly over the past few years. (I’m sure
there are more, but I know of one) But, all you can do is try, and
if you’re not given a chance to make it right – you just have to
move on. But, overall, I’m in a pretty good place. I love what I
do, who I do it for and with, and have a great family unit around me
(Friends included in that mix, including a few little furry friends
who don’t recognize the importance of sleep at night when they want
their cat food!).....God is good!
Still,
a “Mama’s Boy” wonders.....What would Mama think? Overall, I
hope she would be proud of things, but maybe the proudest of knowing
where I’m going. I hope!
Well,
I guess I better cross the state line. This self-examination might be
appealing to me, but my waitress is another story. On the road again!
