A PROBLEM THAT WON'T GO AWAY

For a lot of reasons, I have been thinking about the past this week. I found – scattered among the many boxes that I have been putting away – my eleventh grade journal. Mrs. Emma Hall, my English teacher then, made us keep a journal throughout the year. Looking back, I’m really glad she did.

One thing is for sure….I was a weird one. There was information about who my dream girl was during my high school years – I named names then…lol…not going to do that now! There was also quite a few blogs---oops…they weren’t blogs then….entries about music. For instance, my dream job was not a policeman….a lawyer….or a doctor….it was “General Manager of RCA Records.” I also wrote about my family, pets, my ten favorite songs, and how I felt to be a teenager. You know what they say about hindsight?

I say that because one of my best friends in the business has been affected by a recent suicide in his community. The child decided to take his own life largely because he felt bullied because he was different. I guess looking back into my past this week was sort of timely, as I revisited a lot of my past thoughts about myself.

Now, I will be the first to say that I had a fairly normal childhood. I can’t say that I really got made fun of too much in school. I was unique that I could give speeches on Eddy Arnold, Buck Owens, and the Dallas Cowboys – which was a very extinct football team during my youth – much like they are now. I was different. And, to be honest, I tried to hide how different I was. I didn’t have any interest in cars---still don’t. As long as they run, I’m happy. I could care less about what the latest fashion styles were – and haven’t changed too much today, to hear my well-meaning friends put it…..But, actually, there’s a record of me being a student at Dickson County High School from 1989-1992, but that’s about all. I wasn’t really there, as I was buried inside of a Billboard Magazine or working at the radio station.

But, bullying does happen, and it does leave an impact. My Junior High years were not fun, and I was at that school recently to cover a basketball game. I looked down the row from me, and I found myself wanting to burst from the top. There was a guy with his wife and two children who were watching the game. And, suddenly I was taken back. Back to the bus I rode growing up. Back to the comments he would always make about me. Back to feeling like I had to hide who I was for the sake of not being ridiculed.

Those feelings lasted the rest of the evening for me. The person in question likely wouldn’t know me from Adam, and has got other things on his mind like we all do – such as how he’s going to pay the bills each month. We all grow up, and we move on. I’m not still mad at the guy who took my lunch money, the one who threw a spitball at me in middle school, or the guy who told me I was going to Hell because I listened to Country Music. Honestly, I’m not.

But, I understand. I can sympathize with anyone who felt like they missed out on their teenage years because they didn’t feel like they could be themselves because of fear of being made fun of. I wish, looking back, I would have just been me – quirks and all. I was so scared of rejection that I took no chances, such as asking girls out, until after graduating high school. If I did think someone was special, I didn’t tell them. After all, why would they think it back?

All that said, I made it through it – pretty much unscarred. But in thinking about bullying, I wish I could offer an answer or a solution. In school, standing up for yourself gets you in as much trouble than if you were picked on. Many systems talk about their “No Bullying” policy. I am a Christian, but pardon me, that is a bunch of utter Bulls…. If a kid goes to a teacher, his day is pretty much done. The other kids are going to tear him up – maybe even worse. I don’t know what to say to my friend, who was upset that people didn’t really want to talk about it. We all have our own past, and maybe that’s it.

Still, there should be a solution. A teenager shouldn’t have to feel that ending their life is the only thing they can do when they are different. You can make it through, no matter how long those nights are when you dread going to school the next day.

If you need inspiration, think of Laura. Now, that’s not her real name. But, in elementary school, we – and I do mean me, as in this writer, all made fun of Laura in first and second grade because she was different. Interestingly enough, I bet none of us ‘cool’ second graders could even remember what that difference was. I haven’t seen Laura in over 30 years. She moved away during those early years of school. But, I hear tell she became a professional model. I hope she did, because she deserved it…

I have written one of the most in-depth and personal blogs that I have ever done. Some might disagree with every word I have written, and It might take some of you back to an awkward time. Sadly, I know that it’s not going to do a damn thing about the problem. And, for all the talk in the world, that is the tragedy. Well, next week, another music blog. That is something I can control……