The Future....A scary thought

I am going to try to be a little more regular when it comes to blogging. Things have been crazy as of late. This blog is going to be one of the most personal I have ever written. It’s one that I’ve started and stopped writing about a million times – well, maybe that’s an exaggeration. But, in talking with a couple of my closest friends this week, I was advised that sometimes being honest is the only way you can really cleanse yourself.

I am in the process of “starting over.” At age 38, it’s not where I envisioned myself being. But, it is what it is. (Whatever that statement means, I don’t know, but it gets used a lot!) The why or when isn’t important. Life is, as Kris Kristofferson once wrote, ‘two stories wide,’ and I recognize that. I guess the most important thing is “What,” in terms of what’s next. After all, that’s the only thing I can control, right?

A few years ago, I went through a major life change. One that I didn’t see coming. Again, if you know me well, you know. But, there’s no need rehashing it. I didn’t handle a career setback like I wish I had. Part of that stemmed from the fact that I never really exuded a lot of confidence. I always viewed myself as someone who just ‘backed into’ what I did for a living. Looking back, that’s not entirely true.

I have never been the wildest color of the crayon box. I always was a little different. But, the one thing that set me apart was that I loved music. I have never been blessed with the ability to sing – but I remember going to the library with my mother, and picking out books that dealt with….the history of the music business. I was more at home at a record store – Tower Records or Ernest Tubb Record Shop – than I was anywhere else as a kid. While most my age were listening to Y107, I was a WSM child – pure and simple. My father burned a lot of miles on Briley Parkway driving over to the radio station office to pick up prizes that I won.

I didn’t realize it then, but I was blessed. Blessed to have discovered my passion so early. But, it wasn’t the standard way to go. I wanted to be in radio or the music business, but sometimes people would say “But, what do you want to DO with your life?” I always thought that of what I did as a hobby, and not something legitimate. But, that was my identity.

Then, I was faced with that “identity” not being there anymore. That led to a bout with depression. There were some decisions that I wish I had back. But, you don’t get those wishes. So, the future is now. I am blessed with a job – no, make that several jobs, that I love doing. Granted, there are nights that I am up at 1:30 am trying to come up with an adjective that I’ve never used before to talk about an album that I think you need to know about, but I am a man who is fortunate. Whether it’s interviewing a new artist, a legend, or broadcasting a high school softball team, I love what I do. I hope that shows.

Still, the future is scary. I am in a “Put up or shut up” mode right now. I’ve got to work as hard as I ever have in my life from here on out. Like ‘The Little Engine That Could,’ I think I can, I think I can! Every time I have had a doubt about something, it all works out. I guess you could say that I am in better hands than Allstate. I know I am. It’s all going to work out. The interesting question is “How,” but I have faith!

In talking with one of my friends this week, there was some concern that I might need to set some goals for myself – if nothing else, to give me something to shoot for besides the next game, show, or interview. So, in no particular order, here’s my seven things on the bucket list – at least for now. I’ll let you know how I do.

1. At some point, I would love to take another trip to California. I love Los Angeles, and seeing the beach here is so beautiful. I also want to go to Bakersfield, and go to the Crystal Palace again. Maybe, even eat the Don Rich Steak there…..Who knows, maybe work will lead me out there…

2. I want to be a better person. Sometimes, because my self-esteem wasn’t the best, I wasn’t the best I could be. I can change that, I think! That includes not shying away from people if I get down….that’s when I need to do the opposite.

3. Though I am starting over, I have been very blessed to have had two children come into my life a few years ago. I’m grateful for those relationships, and pray they continue….

4. I want to take a cruise at some point. I had a chance to do so a few months ago, but I had a prior commitment…..Just something I’ve never done…

5. I want to write an article for somebody that is outside of my comfort zone. Don’t know how good it would be, but would love to try.

6. Three letters…..If you know me at all, you know which three letters those are. (Hint….Read this again. You’ll find them!) I don't know whether I am good enough or not, but nobody loves them more!

7. And, though it’s not the focal point of my life today, the next time…..I want to do it right!

I'll let you know how I do......And, if anyone knows where they can get a good deal on a laptop, my backspace button is about to go out.....(Is that # 8?)