October
26, 2014
Mom,
It’s
been nine years since you’ve been gone. Sometimes, it feels like
yesterday, and sometimes like an eternity ago. I never totally
understood what it’s like to think about someone who has been gone
every day – until you. There hasn’t been a day that has gone by
since you left that there hasn’t been at least one thought of you
in my mind. To be honest, I never thought I would get through the
first year, and now it’s been a lot longer than that. Time goes by,
I guess.
I
wonder sometimes if you’re aware of what is going on down here. The
past eight years have been the most amazing times of my life. Not to
say that it hasn’t been a roller coaster, as those amazing times
have included some highs that I never thought imaginable – and some
lows that I also didn’t expect. I’m not quite sure how I have
handled everything. Work-wise, I like to think I busted my backside
trying to work myself up in the business. There have been some low
points - but overall, I have no complaints. I have gotten to
interview people and go places that I never thought possible. I am
trying to take advantage of everything I can possibly do – from
writing about everyone from recording artists to football and
basketball to whatever comes my way. I enjoy the writing about music
as much as anything. I never could sing but for whatever reason, I
need music – and to tell people about it – like I need air. It’s
about the only thing I know. I feel like I am on the right track. I
hope you can see some of that.....
On
the other hand, there are a few times I have thought it might be a
good thing if you are totally unaware of the past nine years. I
always haven’t handled things as well as I should have – or was
taught to. I get very down on myself at times, and there are days
where I can be a moody son-of-a.....I’m not too proud of my
mistakes....but at the same time....I have learned from some of them.
I
am so proud of the relationship I have with my son. You’d be really
proud of him. We are closer than we’ve ever been before. I am
grateful for that. Would go through everything all over again – for
that reason alone. I still haven’t given up hope about the right
one coming along. I try not to judge myself on whether I’m dating
someone or not, but sometimes I still do. Truth be told, I guess I
always will. But, there are worse things than being alone. But, that
special someone....I still dream and hope for that. That might
require me taking a few more chances. But, I don’t need – or want
them to be my “savior.” I’ve got one, and if anyone saves me,
I’ve got to be the one. I’ve
also got to take care of myself. I let things get out of control
there. I still fight depression, but I’m trying. I just try to work
like crazy so I don’t think about it.
I
never hear a Conway Twitty song that I don’t think of you. I still
try to tune into QVC for at least a few minutes on July 25 for
“Christmas In July,” and somewhere between the 26th
and your birthday on the 30th,
I will probably be found at a Red Lobster drinking a Pina Colada in
honor of you. But, all that stuff is symbolic. I miss talking to you
– hearing your voice. A few years ago, I was dubbing some
interviews onto CD, and I found a phone call where you had called the
station. Wasn’t more than 30 seconds, if that long, but it was good
to hear. I wonder what you would have to say about different things
in my life – good or bad.
Anyway,
I am going to close this note to you by just telling you that I was
thinking of you today, and though it sounds like I am very
melancholy....I am actually in a better place than I was in
2013....or 2012..and so forth. I’m closer to God than ever before.
He’s always had my back – but I’ve noticed it a lot more since
moving back to Tennessee. Still have a few pieces of the puzzle I
would like to try to insert into my life, still hoping that my second
act is more successful than my first, but I am working on it Don’t
give up on me just yet.....and if a little bossy Siamese cat comes
knocking on your door, take her in. I sent her!
