Feeling
kind of melancholy tonight. I just got off the phone with my father,
and Mattie Bandy – my second cousin – passed away tonight.
Death
has affected me on a lot of different levels over the past few years
– and months. I have written about the passing of my pet dog
Brownie, as well as Warren Medley just a few weeks ago. But, this one
hits just as hard.
Mattie
was the first cousin of my mother. Some of my favorite memories as a
child were of trips to Mattie’s house in Centerville. It seemed
that unless we went to see my father’s side of the family in
Illinois, we went to Mattie’s for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I
rememeber the smell of a turkey dinner combined with the heat of her
old electric heater while laying on the couch watching the Cowboys on
turkey day. Sweet person as she was, Mattie had a (semi) smart-aleck
sense of humor. But, she was a Clymer, after all....and If anything
else, my mother said what she thought, so they did fit together. (I
just realized that I am doubly cursed on the smart-aleck side of
things. I have Clymer and Dauphin blood flowing through my veins.
Wow....)
Mattie
had two husbands and two children pass away before she did. I wasn’t
alive when her first husband passed away in the mid 60s. But, she
married after him to a fine man named RG. They had a daughter named
Connie, in 1966. Again, I was yet to have been born at this time, but
I have seen pictures of her. Just a beautiful little girl. Blonde
hair and Blue eyes. I wasn’t there, but I bet she was spoiled by
her parents – as well as just about everyone she came into contact
with. I know my parents were crazy about her, as she charmed my
father as well. Before she was three, she passed away in January of
1969.
I’ve
written a lot about some of the struggles I have had in my life –
particularly the past few years. But, how one survives burying your
own child – who never had the chance to grow up, I don’t know if
there is any greater pain than that. But, she persevered. She and her
husband became parents once again, to Caren. She was a great mother,
and I’m sure she was grateful for that second chance at that. Caren
graduated from high school in 1987, and RG passed away from cancer a
couple of years later. Then, in 1995, Caren died. I remember Mattie’s
grief at the funeral home just like it was yesterday.
I
always considered Mattie almost like an angel. I would go down to
Centerville and visit her every now and then from that point on.
Then, in 2005, Mama died. I remember those visits picking up with
greater frequency. If anyone knew how it felt to lose someone you
love, it was Mattie. I wanted to learn from her how you got past
those feelings. One day that winter, I was at her house, and we were
talking about death when I got the answer. You don’t. Though it had
been close to forty years since little Connie had died, her tears
flowed and her voice broke just like it was only yesterday. You
adjust. To some extent, you maybe even heal. But, you never forget.
Whenever
people want to attack Christianity, it amazes me that some think that
Christians live in somewhat of a bubble and just accept anything that
happens in their life in the name of faith. Trust me when I tell you
that being a Christian is not easy. Faith is something that is
learned, and doesn’t happen overnight. But, the life of Mattie
Bandy was one that taught me a great deal about patience. I don’t
know that I have applied it as well as I need to, but her life was a
lesson in it everyday. Though it’s a sad night in the ‘Ville,
somewhere there’s a pretty big reunion going on tonight – and two
women might be talking about a shopping trip up yonder. Also, there are probably a few dogs that will be happy to see an old friend! And, that is
not a bad thing at all!
